Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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