My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
