He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
