How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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