Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You pole danced in your parka.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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