Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Is Oprah even human
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
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