Im at strip club and am horny
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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