So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
