Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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