I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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