in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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