dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
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What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
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We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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