I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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