I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
