the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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