you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
