Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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