i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
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Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
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BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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