btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
