I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
