Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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