ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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