they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize