we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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