i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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