The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
