Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
