If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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