He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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