I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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