This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize