and you said cock pushups were impossible
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
