ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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