Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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