She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
