hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
