So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
