When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I am spending my child support on dildos
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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