She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
