bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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