farters have to be the big spoon...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
