Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
