Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
