We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
