I never want to see another naked old woman again.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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