on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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