So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Randomize
