i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
