There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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