we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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