It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
