It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
