Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
