Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
handjob tips. give me some.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm at about main and main street
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
