Cold hands, warm shart.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
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Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
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By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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