I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Is it penis luge time yet?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
