I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
