I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
