I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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