How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
