Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
