my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
