splinters make it hard to masturbate
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
