Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
