susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
