Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
