I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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