I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i was born a porn star she said
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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